- don't worry. i'm not going to talk further about the title above. i just wana mention that i would be very apologize if the title made readers gone because actually my 2nd, 3rd and finally this 4th blog are related to each other. i mean, yeah, literally, they are.
- oh ya, talking about the last part, i'm sure what happened to her doesn't matter to readers. of course, just like famous saying nowadays, "who cares". but i care. and always care. no doubt about that. as at the night we dated, i noticed her weird acted.. she kept going to washroom. i know, its an usual act for ladies. but for me, went to washroom for many times within an hour was so suspicious. LOL, sorry, i really feel so. i'd just ignored the matter for that moment and tried being an immatured guy, so that i would be feel calmer..
- after then, i leaved Kuching and returned to school as the holidays ended.. time flowed so fast till i didn't feel that i lived for Form3. o.O" as both of us grew up together, as both of us became mature, we still breathed till a week before my birthday.. as usual, whenever i went to school library, i would go online via Friendster just to see her pictures because i always missed her so much.. however, i saw her latest uploaded pictures. i broke my PILOT mechanical pencil due to extreme self-guilty feelings rushed spontaneously towards my soul. 'DAMN!' 'FUCK!' and other foul words were spoken out within my heart. i wasn't wrong! there's something wrong with her. she's not in a good condition of health. i saw her pictures, too obvious that she was having critical hair loss and besides she look skinnier than ever. i was in extreme sorrow and almost felt down from the chair as i saw her pale face still tried to smile in front of the camera lense..
- after that, i rushed towards hostel and reached for my handphone. quickly sending sms asking her what's wrong with her. good god! she didn't reply me. that night i was so worried to death. i brought handphone to prep(preparation class at night) and been faithful waiting her reply. eventually,, a single vibration made me sigh to myself.. in a ready state, i viewed her sms...
- "don't worry, dear. i'm okay. i'm just having leukemia :)" *of course she said that in iban
- my handphone dropped...................speechless.....
- 3 August 2008, she wished something from me and it was to be able went out with her. but, fuck, i can't. school won't allow that. i knew that, she knew that. she really wanted me to go out, celebrated my birthday together with her. "dear! please! take a look at other couple! they go out to church together..having dinner together..celebrate birthday together.. how about me..?...i love u" i offed my handphone. "i'm sorry" i said to myself and kept the handphone inside my locker.. LOL. *i laughed to myself when writing this as i realize that i was too fucking stupid and immature. "you're useless", i always said to myself. school won't allow?? so what?? so why? i was just making lame excuses to her.
- 3 August was Sunday! how could i? oh my God... 5 August: on the afternoon, it was rainy..school security guard reached for me and informed that my family member waited me at the guard station. question marks seemed to be appeared in a numerous number in my head. i ran leaving Block C towards guard station. this rain shits! i spoke to myself. as i came closer to guard station, i puzzled. eh, my family member don't have any Honda Accord. i quickly turned back to went for afternoon class but suddenly, "are you Leo?" shouted a pretty teen girl came out of the Accord holding her mini umbrella. "yes. why you came for me?" without any doubt i replied her, wiping my face..the girl just handed over me a small box and then drove out of school....
- "I'm a classmate to your girlfriend. She talked about she really wished to surprise you with this present. She ever said that she was not confident to meet you on 3 August but finally she found courage. For her, you're her reason for still fighting to live. I don't wana talk too much because i also feel very sad right now. She took the treatment just for you. just to stay alive over 3 August and willing to lost her hair. FYI, she left all of us on this morning.., at normah speciallist medical centre.the last thing she said to me was, don't show your sad face. i'm gona wake up from this bed tomorrow and go to his school"
 |
| Add caption |
- my fingers almost lost of all energy when reading the letter inside the small box.....i felt down on the bathroom and had an extremely ache in my heart.. i almost lost my vision, heart was beating so fast, i was scared that i'm gona cry that time. yeah, i was too ego. serve me right. felt like as if soul reaper was laughing in front of me when i cried that moment...i can't take a look at the watch that she meant to give me on 3 August. i'm sorry, i can't write further than this. i need to smoke right now.............
